I'm One of "Those" Parents

I'm a parent. As a parent, I read a wide variety of parenting sites. I also read the news everyday - on Fox and ABC to try to keep my political spectrum covered. I read, I do research, and I make the best decisions I can for my daughter. As a parent, I think that's all we can really ask anyone to do: make the best decisions you can for your child. If we are being the best parents we can be, we're doing the job right.

To me, part of doing the best job I can is being informed. I have the privilege of having a good education and endless resources at my disposal to continue my education, and I take full advantage of these privileges. I'm not as smart as I could be, but no one has ever (to my knowledge) called me dumb, either. When I don't understand something, I ask questions. I read more about it. I'm forever curious and never willing to just let my curiousity go (much to the chagrin of some of my peers). In other words, I'll never be the smartest person I know, or even in the top ten, but I do what I can.

Meanwhile, my reading and research often bring extraordinarily negative comments to my attention. I read endless articles, blogs, and commentaries about the "morons" who are so "ignorant" as to "refuse" to vaccinate their children. The nonstop derogation of these parents inevitably insists the parents have made their decisions based on the limited findings of Jenny McCarthy and Dr. Wakefield and, of course, rely on "herd immunity" to let them leave their children vaccine-free. The bitter diatribes against these parents are highly populated and never-ending as they witheringly discuss the uneducated choices of the parents who don't vaccinate.

Allow me to introduce myself now. I have several degrees. I have published a book. I have taught at a respected state university for six years. Oh, yes, one more thing. I'm a parent who chooses to not vaccinate. If you've read this far, please spare me a few more minutes before your condemnation begins and consider the following:

1. I have never based a decision on the findings of Jenny McCarthy. I know her position, but that is not the basis for my position.

2. I have never refused a vaccine without knowing the ingredients, the potential side effects, the history of the vaccine, the presence of the disease, and the risks on both sides of the injection.

3. I have never had my daughter receive a vaccine without knowing all of the information from #2 as well.

4. I am not relying on herd immunity. I have made a conscious decision to risk certain illnesses rather than risk the vaccine - in my daughter and in myself.

5. I have never judged another parent for vaccinating or not vaccinating. You can have your child get all the vaccines as fast as possible or none of the vaccines ever, and I will not judge you. Again, the only thing we can really expect of parents is that we will do the best job we can for our children.

6. I have discussed our choices at length with our pediatrician. When I am missing information, she tells me. When we aren't getting a vaccine, I talk to her. I tell her my concerns. We discuss them long before we make a final decision.

7. I am not making my choices based entirely on a fear of autism. I don't deny that autism contributes to my fears, but autism is not even one of the biggest fears I have where vaccines are concerned.

8. I'm not a moron. I'm not ignorant. I believe every parent should get as much information as possible before having something injected in their child, but I won't judge parents who don't. I do, however, ask that my decisions are respected. Even if you don't agree. Even if you think I'm crazy. Even if you cannot fathom making the choices I've made, I ask that you treat me with enough respect to realize that I am making knowledgeable decisions for my daughter.

9. Schools do not legally require children to be vaccinated. You have to follow certain steps to send an unvaccinated child to school, but it is not difficult and not illegal. Trust me. I've done the research.

10. My daughter has had most vaccines, but she has them on an alternative schedule and still does not receive all vaccines. Again, we discussed all of this at length with her pediatrician.

At this point I could go into a lengthy explanation of which vaccines we do and don't give, but I'm not going to because that isn't the point. The point is that I did make educated choices, and that is the best I can do for my daughter. I did not make any decisions hastily, and I'm not done making decisions where her health is concerned. I'm also not done getting more information. However, I've never walked up to a parent and asked them to give me the laundry list of articles they read from the CDC and the APA in order to justify their choices, and I'm asking them to treat me with the same respect. I trust my parenting friends. I trust them to make the best decisions they can for their children, and I hope they will trust me to do the same.

At the end of the day, if we fully believe that parents are making the best decisions they can for their children, then we should also believe they are making the right decisions. If they are making the right decisions, perhaps we can let the condemnation, the snide remarks, the angry judgments go, and instead be thankful that we're all just doing the best we can - whatever that may be.