I Accomplish Nothing Because I'm an Over-Achiever

I accomplish nothing because I'm an over-achiever. It's really as simple as it sounds. In my ripe-old age I've discovered that it is because I can't limit myself to doing one thing that I really do almost nothing. I've tried to accomplish things. I've worked, studied, labored, and worked some more. It does no good. As it turns out, accomplishments are boring.

My day starts simply enough. I get up early in order to have time to myself and get some things done. However, it's incredibly difficult to grade while watching a television show, listening to music, or doing anything more interesting than reading the same assignment over, and over, and over again. Shocking, I know. Still, knowing that I can't simply grade by itself doesn't convince me not to turn on the radio or the television, so on my media go. Thirty minutes of "Gilmore Girls" later, I'm well into my second cup of coffee, my third internet forum, and . . . well, at least I've stapled the assignments properly. Sometimes I find myself bored by the routine-nature of these habits. Today, for example, I chose to give Ellie breakfast while I watched my show. Of course, I also washed my hair in the kitchen sink, unloaded the dishwasher while the conditioner set in, and then rinsed it out while my next shot of espresso blended nearby - you know, for variety's sake.

Then I'm off to work. I can't stand driving to work. Twenty to thirty minutes of my day - one way - invested in doing nothing more than taking myself, car, and books, across fifteen miles of concrete. Public transportation is not an option , so I have no choice but to drive or quit. I make the drive, yet I still have to multitask. I refuse to engage in anything too distracting during the driving parts, but I've fixed this. I do my makeup at the red lights. I can't do my makeup at home because it's not actually possible to do anything else while doing makeup, but there's nothing else to do at the red lights either (it's an added bonus that this prevents me from going overboard in my daily cosmetic devotional). Between red lights I've recently discovered the opportunity to brush my teeth. Sure, I get a few odd glances, but better askance looks from the car next to me than watching my students mysteriously stop sitting in the first few rows (and I can't find a way to multitask while brushing my teeth at home either).

Now I'm at work. As my colleagues can attest, I've discovered the joys of socializing, Pandora, and meals all while grading and reading. My grades get done, my vitamins get digested, my work-related socialization is covered, and I don't go crazy trying to find the cure for the common cold in an attempt to busy my brain (while still reading the same assignment over, and over, and over again).

However, eventually my work day is done. I've done my lesson plans and grading. I've prepared myself, dogs, and daughter for our day. I've worked my at-home career and my at-work career, and I've done it all without ever only doing one thing at a time. Except, of course, for my dissertation. It simply isn't possible for me to write my dissertation while multitasking, and not even a research project of my own choosing (and for which I've attended school for far too many years) can garner enough of my interest to mono-task (unless it involves devising new words - as I believe I've just done).

As a result, my day-to-day work is completed while my long-term work remains stagnant. Many onlookers will make assumptions about my downfalls in laziness and procrastination, but hopefully this blog will serve as enlightenment for them (and for my committee). I am not lazy. In fact, I am far from it. Instead, I am so invested in over-achieving in every moment of my day, that the dissertation is really beneath my levels of capability. At least . . . that's what I will continue to tell myself until I give up and do it. I may never graduate. I may never finish anything. Instead, I'm trying to use this blog to motivate myself to change my multitasking, underachiving/over-achieving ways before my dissertation becomes a means of multitasking while I'm in line at the unemployment office.*

Incidentally, I have watched one of my three television programs, talked to two people on the phone, and comforted one dog while writing this blog. But I haven't written my dissertation.