I really try to practice what I preach. If I tell my students not to use Wikipedia, I don't use Wikipedia. If I tell my students to turn things on time . . . well, I try to turn things in close to on time. What I tell my students most often, however, is to follow the trail. These three words tend to answer most of their questions. Why am I failing? Well, let's see. You earned an F on your paper. You earned on F on your paper because it was half the required length. It was half the required length because you didn't know how long it was supposed to be. You didn't know how long it was supposed to be because you sleep through every class. So, to answer your question, you are failing because you sleep through class. And, problem solved!
I use the same approach to politics. Recently I had an argument with a close family member whom I often respect and admire, but this conversation left me baffled. Close Family Member (CFM) was excited because of a new bill that states an individual can not be responsible for more than 15% of the cost of COBRA. "That's great!" I told her, "where's the money coming from?" She explained that the former employer would have to cover the rest, which left me asking again, "But where's the money coming from?" She explained that the former employer would receive a tax credit for the 85% they paid for the individual COBRA plan. I, of course, asked again, "Where's the money coming from?" Somewhere in this plan, someone is paying for this. My tax dollars? Yours? Cuts in a budget that we otherwise consider important (such as education or defense)? I don't know, and neither did she. My point remains the same. You have to follow the trail if you want to fully understand a subject. The same is apparently true of my latest ventures and vexations.
My husband and I are in the process of trying to adopt. That's right. We are "in the process of" merely "trying to" adopt. We did the research, found an agency, followed the steps, filled out the application, and prepared for our meeting. Then we learned that they are only licensing families who will adopt children over the age of ten or sibling groups. In other words, they won't license us. No problem, there are many agencies out there. I tried going directly to Texas Department of Family and Protective Services. They are only licensing families willing to adopt sibling groups. I called another agency, and then another, and then another. We are ready to adopt. We are ready to take all the classes in the world in order to provide a home and family for a child in waiting. Unfortunately, the agencies are not ready for us. Each agent and/or representative said that the highest need for adoption right now belongs to sibling groups, so they are reserving their resources for those groups. I understand this, so I felt it was best to take my own advice and follow the trail. I am, after all, entirely new to this area and not well-versed in who is adopted each year versus who is entering the system. Here is what I found:
3,000+ Children currently available for adoption in Texas
29 Percentage of African-American children in "Substitute Care" in Texas
12 Percentage of African-American children in all of Texas
1 Number of meetings required to start the application process
30 Hours of classes to take before being cleared for licensure
4-6 Months typically pass between completing the license process and receiving a child
1-2 Years typically pass between completing the license process and receiving a child is unwilling to take a sibling group and/or a teenager
7-17 Age of children most likely waiting for adoption
$1,000 Cost that must be paid in installments in order to adopt
$1,000 Cost that is refunded to the family once the adoption is complete
I saw pictures of children, read profiles, and learned more about the countless young people waiting for true homes and families. I read stories about successful adoptions and adoptions gone wrong. I spoke to agents about children with behavioral disorders, abusive histories, and disabilities as a result of abuse and neglect. I followed every trail I could find, and each time I found obstacle after obstacle in the way of adopting, but at the end of the trail was a child who needs what I have to offer: a safe home and a family.
I know that we will adopt and soon enough we will have a child, but I will admit that facing all these obstacles almost a year after we got started (and admittedly put everything on hold) is discouraging. Equally discouraging is the number of people stating that we don't need to adopt because we can have biological children (true), we will put our family through considerable hardships by adopting (true), and so we shouldn't adopt (false). Which, of course, takes me back to following the trail. I admit to not knowing enough about adoption just yet, but I am learning. Meanwhile, I can't but wonder if more people wouldn't adopt, and if fewer people would object, if only they were willing to follow the trail as well.
This is where the trail starts: http://tare.dfps.state.tx.us/search/SearchResults.jsp
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Wow. It does really baffle me that even though you, a solid and loving family, are willing to adopt, because you're not willing to adopt siblings or a child older than ten, you're essentially benched. I (not having followed any trail, though) find it difficult to believe there are not single children under 10 who need adopting. To explain that the siblings have the greatest need for adoption right now as an excuse for not licensing a solid family seems ridiculous. What about those single kids? Do they get to just be left in the system until they are older and fall into the hard to adopt out category? And what if a loving home only really has room enough to take one child? Should we leave it empty because we're devoting all our resources to placing siblings? I do, deeply, respect the attempts to place siblings in the same home. Hearing about families ripped apart always breaks my heart. But it still sounds like something is wrong here. Once again, I spout this without having followed a trail.
ReplyDeleteAs for the aforementioned bafflement, combine that with a bit of appalled and you've got how I feel about the statements people have made. I don't know why being biologically able to conceive is seen as a reason not to adopt. I cannot conceive of any reason that even MATTERS when it comes to adopting. If the system has so many children waiting for homes, what does it matter whether the adopters can have children of their own? Maybe people think of the reverse, that people who can't have children can adopt, and they switch it around (in one giant logical fallacy) and think that only people who can't conceive should adopt.
I can't imagine what hardships adopting will put your family through as a) I don't know much about your private lives (funny thing, since they're PRIVATE) and b) I don't know much about adopting, but if anyone should take "risks" involving the potential for family hardship, it should be loving, intelligent, patient, and capable Christians such as yourselves. What better family to put through hardships than one that can survive them?
I think it's a wonderful thing your family and all other loving and healthy adoptive families do. And I can say that full well knowing that adoption probably wouldn't be the thing for my family. But I realize that just because it isn't right for me, doesn't mean it isn't right for others. While I know you don't, I'm going to say this anyway . . . NEVER let anyone tear you down for trying to give a lonely child the best possible gift you can.